To Maggie

050811

  I wanted to write this as soon as you left. As soon as your presence disappeared it was felt, its effects reverberating throughout the office. So much left with you. My lunch date, for starters. And your smile – the smile you used to shoot me at half four because you were excited about quitting time. I miss it. The warmth you used to bring with you, every day. And the smell of fresh bagels, which – admittedly – were more to do with the fresh bagels you brought from Bagel Bros. Those are gone too.

  I wanted to write this as soon as you left. The office is strange without you, alien and empty. I didn’t realize so much of something could consist of a single someone. That you could make up so much of the whole. I didn’t realise I hated my job ‘til you left. I know this is weird. I know you’re probably freaking out about all this. I just re-read what I have so far and believe me I understand how I must be coming off but I miss you Maggie. I knew I was going to but I didn’t know how much. I didn’t realise so much of me could consist of a single someone.

  I wanted to write this as soon as you left. I know you have a great boyfriend. I hope you guys are stupidly happy together. I know you have a great job in Minneapolis. I hope it’s awesome. I know how pumped you are about the great future you have planned out, waiting – like the most obedient of dominoes – to topple effortlessly into line. I hope everything works out the way you wanted it to. I know you probably don’t buy a line of this. I hope you buy it all.

  But you’d be a fool to.

  I wanted to write this as soon as you left. I love you Maggie. I should have said it years ago instead of scribbling it on a piece of paper and putting it in a box and letting the distance take the brunt of whatever reaction you’re going to have over this. I know it’s real elementary-school bullshit but what choice do I have now. You’re gone.

  Jake.

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~ by Joseph Blame on May 8, 2011.

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