The Vagina Dialogues


  “She is such a slut!” Brenna announces, attempting to giggle her way back into innocence after spouting her damnation, her cutlery rattling against her plate with the vibration of her laughter.
  “Oh come on,” Allison says after attempting semi-successfully to stifle her own laughs, “she’s hardly a slut, she’s just… she’s just-”
  “Incredibly liberal with her vagina?” Ashley prompts, her delivery flawlessly flat.
  “Right!” Brenna laughs.
  “You guys,” Allison says, “she’s our friend.”
  “Doesn’t make it any less true, Ally.”
  “But it does mean you should back off with the judgment, Bren.”
  “Party-pooper,” Brenna retorts, sticking her tongue out from across the table. They continue to eat in a new silence.
  “Excuse me,” Ashley says to a passing waiter, “Can I have a shot of vodka and-” she pauses to study the desert menu in her hands “The Motherfudger, please.” The waiter eyes her half-finished veggie burger before nodding and smiling and walking towards the kitchen.
  “Vodka?” asks Brenna, “with your desert? And you’ve barely touched your-”
  “The burger will be done by the time they’re finished setting up the slice, I don’t want to be waiting around between courses. Plus if I order with you guys It’ll be that much more delayed. Simple.”
  “And the alcohol?”
  “To clean the palette. Are we done here?”
  “I guess,” Brenna says, then – reaching enlightenment – shouts after the waiter “Double that exact order!”
  “Triple!” adds Allison. 
  Indie-hipster-queen that she is, Ashley puts a hand to her head, irritated, and says with honest conviction, “You guys ruin everything.”


~ by Joseph Blame on May 6, 2011.

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