Ties That Bind


  I hear soft whimpers from behind the door. Muffled groans. Sobs into a pillow, I think. My knuckles hang beside the wood, but I do not knock. My hand eventually falls to my side. I step back until my shoulders touch the opposite wall and slowly I slide to the ground.

  Since birth we’ve been linked, inexplicably, intolerably linked. Empathy doesn’t begin to do this illness justice. I feel the sorrow welling inside me as well and stifle my own cries against my sleeve before, in anger, lashing out and kicking the door in front of me. Her tearful lament is stopped short with a gasp and I hear her hurry over, opening it to look down on me, wet eyes into wet eyes.

  “God damnit,” I yell as she steps into the corridor. I get up and push her hands away as she goes to embrace me. “No,” I say, backing away, “fuck you, this isn’t fair!”

  “Sis,” she calls after me as I make my way down the hall, my back towards her, she’s crying again. I can’t hear it. I can’t see it. I can feel it. Feel every stab of pain she feels. No matter how far away I get I’ll never escape it. Despite knowing this I put as much distance between us as possible.

  I’m outside before I know it, stumbling through the thick snow. The house is so warm compared to this. Somewhere inside it emanates from me, confusing my body. We try to stay close for obvious reasons, but when she’s like this I just can’t. She can feel my anger. I can feel her feel it. God this is so fucked up, reflections of reflections of reflections. When we’re happy it’s fine, but our connection – our sickness – can so easily spiral. It’s hard to stop feeling depressed when we’re both bouncing it off each other.

  I’d be surprised we hadn’t killed ourselves if it didn’t result in murder as an accidental by-product.

  She hears my train of though and I feel her heart drop. Shit.

I’ve wanted to write this story for a while, or at least begin it. My own sister gave me the idea years ago – though she probably doesn’t remember it was hers – but I don’t think I quite did it justice with part 1. Hopefully I’ll carry it on soon, definitely a potential mini-series, but I’ll mark it as a one shot for now.

~ by Joseph Blame on May 4, 2011.

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