A Parenthood Passed Up

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  Our building has a crèche on the ground floor and it’s as I walk past this that a familiar fatigue hits me. The sound of babies crying always makes me sleepy. It’s a psychological link I’ve never been able to shake, ever since Annie and I considered having kids. I yawn and continue up.

  Starting a family. Wow. The thought that we were once so in love – or more to the point – that she was once so in love with me, that procreation was even an option, it sends my thoughts spinning nauseatingly through our past.

  Night after night spent waking to recordings of the same baby wailing the same wail at the same God forsaken three AM. I’d wake to her sitting on the edge of the bed, judging my reaction to the ruckus, testing me, she said, to see if I was ready for the responsibility. She’d acquired the little cassette from her sister from Wisconsin. Even back then Laura was a veteran, with three kids under her belt and a fourth on the way. She’d been the one to suggest the trial period to Annie.

  Even if I’d passed the test I’m sure Annie was too sensible to go rushing into parenthood with barely two years to our status as an us. But maybe – and as selfish as it sounds, I can’t help but think it – it would have saved us.

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~ by Joseph Blame on October 30, 2010.

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