My phone vibrates angrily against the surface, stunning me from my thoughts, before it bursts into a tinny rendition of that’s not my name by the Ting Tings. I groan loudly. It’s a shame really; I used to like this song. Now it’s a personal ringtone that heralds my mid-boss.

They call me Girl

Still, if that isn’t a perfect representation of the capriciousness of our existence. I used to have fond memories of my childhood cartoons until my sister, twenty-one years on, dug out the old VHS tapes from the cupboard and began watching them religiously. Now I fucking hate the Rugrats.

They call me Stacey

Anyway, the mid-boss. It’s a video game staple. Halfway through a dungeon you’ll meet an enemy that will give you a real challenge – not as much as the boss but far more so than your regular grunt.

They call me Her

My life has a mid-boss; her name is Grace and she even has her own music. After the break-up I was kind of a mess and I can’t really recollect much from the immediate aftermath, though I have my suspicions it involved a lot of alchohol.

They call me Jane

After the Grace incident the country didn’t really feel big enough for the two of us anymore, which is why I’m sitting here on the other side of the world, taking my fifteen minute break from pimping plastic, and she is back in England phoning me.

That’s not my name

Su and Dalton have both asked why I don’t just change the ringtone if I hate it so much, but there’s some weird shit in my head only psycho-babble could explain that keeps me from doing so. The same weird shit, no doubt, that kept me from fixing the retarded mistake Grace made when cutting it that makes the final section of the chorus stop short and loop straight back to the beginning again.

That’s not my name

Plus it’s a warning, and if anyone need’s a warning it’s Grace. Whenever I pick up to Grace – and I always pick up – I try to sound as cool and uninterested as possible, like she didn’t fuck up my life, like I wanted to pack up and move to Japan, but because it’s her I always deliberate whether or not to pick up before I invariably pick up, so that damn ringtone –

That’s not my name

Yeah, that one, has the time to play out in its entirety and grate against my cerebellum so I usually end up sounding irritated. But not this time, I’m going to play it cool. Let her know I’m doing just fine without h-

That’s not my They call me Gir-


"God, yes, WHAT, what is it?"


Before the book is finished I’ll change the song that features so integrally. Needs to be something a little more classic and a little less gay! Now there’s capriciousness !!


~ by Joseph Blame on September 13, 2010.

One Response to “Mid-Boss”

  1. hahaha, i really do hate that song, but it worked well with the rest 🙂 Very empathetic (?) im tired, and have been steadily drinking since 7pm, But I like the girl. goodnight

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