In Pursuit of Pleasure

 austen

  “But my dear Mr. Williams,” said Fran to the master of her domain, “the idea is simply preposterous!”
  “Oh,” replied Mr. Williams, “but it is, in fact, quite posterous, I assure you.”
  Fran bit her lip and made no move to respond or concede. Her mind was troubled and full, as it often was when it came to matters such as this.
  “Franny,” he continued in a simple respite of cordial manner, “our friend Mr. Winters told me of the procedure, bearing the highest of recommendations in simultaneity. He tells me that every gentleman and their lady partake in such a coupling across the Atlantic. If the new world has embraced it so commonly that leaves it to us, denizens of England land, the flagbearers of our people, to keep abreast of such fashions.”
  Despite her most adamant of wishes to remain silent in regards to any further persuasions about the subject – for it would be a greater thing than to deny Mr. Williams downright – she lost control to her own indignation and indignantly spat, “How foolish! Our forbearers paid no such heed to us so why to the Americas should we look for guidance. Their civilities prove a disgrace upon any inspection. If they were to walk from a vertigo-inducing precipice should we too commit ourselves to such an act?”
  “Franny,” Mr. Williams retort came, succinct and wholesome enough to silence Francesca’s outburst.
  “Mr. Williams,” she spoke, her new tone hushed and apologetic at once.
  “Now,” he continued, “I expect to find you in a state of preparation when I come to our chamber tonight.”
  “Yes” she said simply, a bruised ego and hurt feelings covered with a valiant effort of concealment, her own control of such feelings the exact reasoning behind her placement here at this instant, having vied successfully against her sisters years ago to claim place as Mrs. Williams.
  “Franny,” Mr. Williams said again, his harsh tones since converted to exude warmth, “Intercourse via the anal canal is not something to fear but laud and look forward to in its stead. Our chambermaid will provide the necessary lubricants. I shall see you tonight.”

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~ by Joseph Blame on July 23, 2010.

One Response to “In Pursuit of Pleasure”

  1. Simply fabulous. It holds the tone of a drama with sharp wit but also has amusing touches that make it worth reading to the end.

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