Silicone Dreams


Rewind two years and we’re sitting in a back-alley ramen bar discussing our silicone sex shop over Shōyu. We’re congratulating ourselves for having scouted out the location of what will become our livelihood for the foreseeable future. Up until a week ago it was a Dōjinshi store, a narrow, short-stack tower block wedged between a Mandarake high-rise and a Sega arcade.

Dalton was a patron of the store. So, when the owner – a retired porn-star who had a thing for autoerotic asphyxiation – was found hanging from his shower curtain dripping onto his own stock, Dalton was one of the first to know.

Consequently we found out far sooner than any other potential bidders that the property would soon be on the market. Dalton took me to see it the day he heard. The absolute deal-maker was the fact that the door was below ground level. This meant that any prospective clients had to walk down a short flight of steps before entering the premises. It’s a common feature in any self-respecting establishment of debauchery; it may only be four steps, but they guarantee that by the time the customer has reached the door he has made up his mind to partake in whatever lies behind it. If they had any doubts the dirty feeling of descent would turn them away. We don’t want some kid emerging from his room and saying he’s changed his mind, this doesn’t feel right, can he have his money back, onegaishimasu.

The Realtor told us we were the fastest buyers he’s ever had.

So there we are, toasting Arisato-san’s demise and our prosperity, and we realise we need a name. We sit in relative silence, the slurping salarymen around us oblivious to our objectionable conversation. Every now and then one of us pipes up with a name, only to be shot down by the other, or by the retarded silence that follows the suggestion. The Plastic Pussy, Ichi-manIntercourse, She’s Not Wet, SyntheticSex and, one of my personal favourites, Silicone Valley.

And then, in one of my few moments of inspiration, I landed upon the winner. It seemed so beautiful, elegant in its simplicity with none of the lurid charms of its failed predecessors. A couple of months later when we were open for business, Kiss of the Womb was the name in neon outside.


~ by Joseph Blame on July 9, 2010.

One Response to “Silicone Dreams”

  1. I like Silicone Valley better. 😛 Very nice setting, really feels like you’re sat there with them, desperately trying to think up names..

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